Angry

During the first few months of placement, you may discover that your older adopted child is always angry.

But take a minute to think about how you felt when you read their case file. Weren't you angry? Angry that the birth parents abused or neglected them? Angry that the system didn't protect them? Angry that they were moved too many times? Angry that nobody stepped in to help earlier? Maybe even angry at God for allowing it all to happen?

So they are angry. But is it not logical? Doesn't it makes sense that they would be?

Emotions are tricky, especially for boys. I have found that with my sons, fear, sadness, insecurity, frustration, grief, abandonment, and all inner pain is masked in fiery anger. When they are feeling any negative emotion whatsoever, it is released in anger.

So when parenting these children, they key to survival is looking beyond the anger. Redefine the anger for what it is -- asking, "is he afraid? Is she sad? Is she going through a stage of grief? Is he anxious?" Endure the anger, but when it is over ask yourself what triggered the outburst, what the underlying emotion really is, and how best to address that issue.