Monday, February 5, 2007

Kid's Will Use What They Have or "You're Not My Real Mom"

I've often told prospective adoptive parents that kids will use what they have as ammunition. Birth kids say, "I wish I could run away. I hate this family." Or "I wish you weren't my parents." Or whatever else they can dream up.

Adopted kids say, "You're not my real mom" to which we can reply in many ways. We can be offended and sad and have hurt feelings. We can say something funny like, "I think if you feel me, you'll see I'm not fake. I'm not a robot, a pretend mom, or a doll." Or we can be sensitive and say something like, "I know that you feel sad about not living with your birthmom, but right now I'm the mom who is taking care of you every day and who loves you very much."

But when they're mad, they're going to say it. Why? Because they can.

And I bet there are a whole lot of birth kids who would say the same thing if it were possible. Because when kids are mad, they use what they have.

Tonight Dominyk got sent to bed early for making a mess he wouldn't clean up.

Using the ammunition he had, he responded (speaking of my husband, who is not yet home), "Guess SOMEONE's not going to be able to make Heart Bread with me!"

(Click here to read more about Heart Bread).

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